Here I am Sunday morning and so excited that I don't have to work
tomorrow!! I have been in much better spirits this week, I think I'm
over the going home depression, I have moved on to looking toward a
more positive outlook for the rest of January. I am not bad, I think
I'm too hard on myself sometimes. I think I need to spend more time on
thinking about the things I would like to accomplish this year. I need
some goals, so I am going to spend the next few days really thinking
about what I want this year. #1 should be managing my money better, I
made twice as much money this year than I did last year and I have
little to nothing to show for it. I am so bad about spending my money
as fast as I spend it and I don't know anything about investing money.
I'm going to look into an IRA or something low risk to start, since I
don't have a lot to invest at one time. #2 Is go back to the gym!!! I
know I feel like a different person all together when I work out, it
just feels good. and the rest I will have to think about but I think
it's a pretty good start.

I read the below this morning and it made me hopeful. No matter how bad
I feel about myself sometimes, someone out there thinks I'm ok and my
mother doesn't count (it's a given, she has to love me even when I'm a
brat). Happy Sunday

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

So I have decided to go to a Chinese Herbalist in search of relief for my depression and fatigue. I have been in this bubble for months now, I'm tired all the time, I'm fat and I have no desire to do much of anything. Laziness  I know, I keep thinking I will just snap out of it but since I've gotten home I have realized that I may need a little push. Acupuncture sounds like it just might be a more natural way for relief, I don't trust all those anti-depressants. I took them for a while in my late teens and early 20's and I really can't say they helped me in anyway. I think they may have even made me more depressed. Ever since I came home from Seattle I feel like jumping off a tall building. What is it about going home that makes me lose my will to live?   I have stayed up one too many nights lately wondering what it all means. There is no end to sadness, I just have to figure out how to walk away from it and stop being so damn destructive.

I wrote a post in the airport when I was waiting for my plane to take off to Seattle and it's all full off yellow belly fear and loathing. Going home is always so traumatic and I leave feeling worse than when I got there. My co-worker and I were at lunch and her solution for my funk is to not go home again until next Christmas. If only it were that easy, I say. It's not like I don't love my family or my friends, on the contrary they are a huge part of my life, but in someways it is my past. Especially when you come to a point where you realize that they have moved on without you, life goes on whether you are there to partake or not. Sad, but not really I guess.

What is life but a series of changes? Some tragic and some magnificent. Will someone please send me something magnificent?

 Random Website of the Day

(It gives me hope that there are men out there that will love me even when I'm a fatty):

http://www.lardbiscuit.com/hotchicks.html

Pre-Hyptnotized Peter

What Office Space character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Happy New Year!! I'm looking forward to a fresh start to things. I am
desperately hung over right now but my nite was no less than fabulous,
even though our Giant Village party was cancelled!! Bastards didn't
even let us know officially so we all had to scramble to find somewhere
else to go. I guess next year we will be sure to bypass the huge event
and look for something a little more chill. I think I'm finally sick of
the club scene which is just amazing considering the last 4 years of my
life. I keep thinking it's time to buckle down and act more like a
grown up. Dan and I have had an amazing fun time but I'm ready for the
next chapter in our lives. I have decided to stay and it feels good.
I've come to the realization over the last few months that you can't
chose who you love but you can chose to enjoy it, whatever it may
bring.

Here's to 2006!

You're Thailand!
Calmer and more staunchly independent than almost all those around you, you have a long history of rising above adversity.  Recent adversity has led toquestions about your sexual promiscuity and the threat of disease, but you still manageto attract a number of tourists and admirers.  And despite any setbacks, you canreally cook a good meal whenever it's called for.  Good enough to make peoplecry.
Take the Country Quizat the Blue Pyramid

What a weekend, I still can't feel my feet. That's never a good thing.
Two Halloween parties and two costumes later we are ready for bed.
Hope everyone had as much fun as we did. On the new and exciting
events list we managed to hang out with a lot of other couples this
weekend. Much needed encouragement. We are on the rockiest of roads and
trying to plug along...
 
Good times.

http://public.fotki.com/Mangostardiva/halloween_at_the/

http://public.fotki.com/Mangostardiva/royas_birthday_bash/

Nite nite

Hey Guys,

We had so much fun this weekend! I have posted our pics on fotki, if you guys have photos to share post them up, it's free

http://public.fotki.com/Mangostardiva/

Scandalous, that all I have to say about that. We have to figure out where to go for Halloween. I think this party sounds like a lot of fun, I don't think I want to do Spundae. This sounds like the best party so far, let me know if you guys see anything better. I think a fun dress up event would be better than just another club night.

http://www.daskproductions.com/

On to recovery today, talk to you soon if Dan hasn't already called you.... hehehe

-Kisses,
Riss N Dan

Discontent is all relative to your perception of the situation. How do you know it's valid when you can't tell where the hurt comes from. Is is apathy? Is is jealously? Is it joy? is it elation at the fact that I no longer have to make an excuse for my disgust? Or is it too many goddamn long nights? I hate everything.... ok not really I love the whole dumb world. Somebody kick me please...

What do you do when you find out your partner has a crush on someone else? It's painful to watch and even harder to justify. I'm so sad, it's not like I ever believed I would be the only one and the way we have been living our lives lately has not been conducive to healthy relationship living. It's so easy to fall off track when you slack off and stop paying attention to your partner. Because I've been thinking about it all day, what it comes down to is the effort. I stopped trying and I stand to lose everything, but it's not all my fault, he stopped paying attention to me too. It's all the little things you miss.

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says,"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea.""So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power, when you don't know shit?